Moving On and In

I want all who read here to know, I do realize my blog was founded on the basis of political discourse from a relative neophyte, but frankly in light of the dramatic life-changing developments in every area of my life, politics takes a backseat to survival.

Since I do claim the mantle of 'neophyte', I might be excused from the expression of emotional dyspepsia in which I find myself currently embroiled. I appreciate the indulgence and reiterate, where to start? What is appropriate to divulge to a worldwide audience while still maintaining one's relative anonymity? Imagine giving your entire life history on a first date. So not cool. But I shall press onward, into a hopefully appropriate chronicle of the incredible adventure of two people in love and where it went wrong.

To begin, I did not see this coming at all. I swear. No red flags, no yellow flags even. I was completely blindsided by the devastating course of events that began with the innocuous act of finding and giving away a stray kitten. Who knew?

Brief synopsis of the events that occurred in late-December, just before Christmas:The previously mentioned found kitten was hopefully going to be adopted by a nurse at the Air Force base (the one I just left). It was a Saturday, and I had errands while the aforementioned nurse was to visit our home and see the kitten for possible adoption. I was gone 3 hours and called home to see if she had taken the cat. My beloved told me, "Yeah it's done wanna meet for a beer?" "Sure," I say and am looking out for the nurse who is to arrive before Doc Turtle to our little local tavern.

The nurse arrives. I approach her and introduce myself. We order a beer. Doc T shows up moments later, and we embark on a festive Saturday evening. Normal getting-to-know- you conversation ensues between the three of us. It is of course clear that Doc T and I are married, our matching rings are commented on, etc. About 30 minutes later, Two of Doc's interns from the hospital show up and we all begin to socialize.

Being Saturday night, the place fills up fast and music, wine and song ensue. The evening goes on and my betrothed and the nurse get quite drunk and I'm informed that she can't drive and will all crash at our place. Okay, no problem, I am the hostess with the mostess. We arrive back at our house (me driving) and I set up the guest room for our "guest." I announce I'm going to shower the bar off me and go off and get a nice, hot shower. My considerate lover virtually always lays out clothes for me after I shower, yet when I'm finished with my ablutions--nothing. Minutes later after I've dressed, Doc shows up and announces that the nurse needs socks. Okay, take these. Ten minutes go by and I'm curious as to how long it takes to deliver foot coverings. I creep up the stairs to the guest room and encounter a stillness that immediately makes me uncomfortable. I see the closed door to the guest bedroom, approach it furtively, and hear the distinct sounds of--you guessed it--sex. Shut the fuck up. No really. I open the door and find Doc Turtle and Nurse Ratched in full bloom. In my own house? In front of me? Are you fucking kidding me?

So as you can imagine the shit hits the fan. After some yelling, I leave. It's 2AM so the only place to go is a casino, where I procede to blow a wad and fume. I leave said casino about 5AM and go home to find a cab in my driveway and Nurse Predator in my bathroom getting ready for work. Did I mention she's wearing Dr. T's scrubs? I tell her she needs to leave my house--now. She does. Doc T and I then begin the terrific battle-for-the-truth session that I would assume follows this kind of behavior. We stay up for several more hours talking about what happened. After much wrangling, it is divulged that after I left, they 'did it' twice (with a short nap in between)and the, "we were really drunk" line is trotted out. Whatever.

Over the next four days, we talk more, have lunch together and have 'make-up sex' every night. It will be the last times there will be any semblance of the last five years of our relationship.

Tune in next time for the "Break-Up." I thought this shit only went on in soap operas. Okay, fair enough, call me naive.

Inside and Outside of the ICU

Inside the ICU cath lab at LRMC



I found these two articles while hunting around for links to put on my posts for Landstuhl. Funny thing how differently the 'official spin' looks from the inside of the the ICU. I've linked here a 'media' page from Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. The source is the media officer for LMRC and the military newspaper the Stars and Stripes. The two stories (8-17-06, 7-31-06 respectively), one about a visiting trauma doctor and the second about a 'doctor and wife team' at LRMC are the most interesting only because I met all of the people in the stories and it looks much different through an anti-war observers eyes. I had the good fortune to be married to a visiting doctor and being former military myself, I was seen as 'one of them', so to speak. I had access someone would normally not recieve on a tightly secured military facility. And I know what really happens in the LRMC ICU. Read the posts, then come back here and I'll tell you some secrets.

Visiting-Trauma-God-Story:

News from the United States Army, Europe & 7th Army

LANDSTUHL, Germany -- If contractors can come to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center and work, then why can’t civilian surgeons? Thanks largely in part to trauma guru Dr. Ernest Moore, they now can via the Distinguished Visiting Surgeon Program.

Dubbed by many as the “Godfather of Trauma”, the celebrated surgeon, researcher and teacher arrived recently at LRMC for a two-week volunteer session. On Monday, he lectured to a large group of docs and nurses on multiple organ failure, a leading killer of patients suffering from trauma.

“This man is the godfather of trauma,” said Sgt. Anil Shandil, a nurse in the LRMC Intensive Care Unit. “In the civilian world, you’d pay money to hear him speak. Why do you think I’m here? This was my day off.” -read full story


Husband and Wife Doctor Team:

Husband, wife doctors at Landstuhl give troops their all
Surgeon, pulmonologist put patients' well-being before personal time together

LANDSTUHL, Germany — Apparently, Air Force Dr. (Lt. Col.) Warren Dorlac needs neither food nor rest to fuel his boundless energy and frenetic pace.

Dorlac glanced up while completing paperwork following an operation to amputate an Army specialist’s left arm.

“We gotta get lunch because I missed breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday,” said the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center surgeon and chief of trauma services.

(...)

The married couple of 17 years spent a rare free moment together at lunch recently, munching down salads. Once or twice a week, they’ll have lunch together. Even then, their time together is usually interrupted by phone calls.

“Sometimes that’s the only times we see each other,” said Gina Dorlac. “This week has been a bad week. The night before last, he didn’t come home at all. Last night, he came home late and went to sleep...

Now on to my observations. The first story about Dr. Moore is fawning and differential and while he seems to be a 'nice guy' it was appparent to me that he loves the sound of his own voice. During rounds in the ICU, he talked and talked and talked. He did no hands-on or procedures. The ICU is really busy and it seems to me that no matter how important you are or how high you've risen in your field, that when it's busy and care is emergent, you pitch-in. Apparently there is a different 'ethic' for Dr. Moore. I have never understood the hierarchical nature of medicine. On another day, on my way up the hill to Landstuhl, about 1:30 in the afternoon, I saw Dr. Moore coming down the hill. We both stopped and chatted briefly. I asked, "Anyone new?". He responded, "Yep, always, 3 new guys". Have a nice day.

Walking up the hill to LRMC


What I don't understand is how he can come to Europe, with his family, on the government's dime and not 'work'. Has he paid his dues, earned a certain level of respect? No doubt he has, but is his mere 'presence'in the hospital enough to justify not getting 'his hands dirty' with the task of healing our devasted soldiers?
Others may disagree with me but I think he should pitch-in. Just my opinion.

Now the Drs. Dorlac, is another story entirely. I spent time with Dr. Gina Dorlac who runs the ICU at Landstuhl. I met her husband only once but his dedication is also apparent. Gina is amazing, smart, hands-on, committed. I liked her very much. I watched her do absolutely dazzling work. During rounds, which is when patients status is described and updated for all the doctors on the unit, she gives lucid, clear, detailing of their condition, leaving nothing to 'interpretation' which greatly diminishes the possibility of medical mistakes. Doctors don't like to appear that they don't know, so the more detailed an intro to a patient is the less likely they are to make assumptions.

I observed Dr. D. do difficult procedures effortlessly. The patient was a 32 year old soldier with extensive burns, a broken foot and internal injuries. He was intubated and in distress, he was shivering from pain and cold alternately. I watched one doctor have a difficult time putting in a subclavian line (a catheter below the clavicle), unable to find the hidden vein several times. The succlavian is a difficult line to put in because the vein is not visible as it lies beneath the bone, not to mention this young man was moving around. Dr. D. came in and spoke soothingly to him, "Sweetie I know this hurts, just give me a second." She was able to get the line instantly. Her experience and compassionate bedside manner were inspiring to watch.

To watch the difference between these two medical professionals, Dr. Moore and Dr. Dorlac was an eye-opening experience. Dr. Moore is older, with more 'time' under his belt and while I do not doubt his expertise and professionalism, I do take him to task for not giving what I percieve to be his all. Dr. Dorlac was always available and was always working. Granted it is her ICU, and he was a visitor, but he was there to work. I think he saw himself as too important to get his hands dirty in the actual duty of caring for patients beyond intellectually.

This approach to me is what is mostly wrong with not only medicine but the general public at large. How many of us do 'all that we can' instead of 'what we can get away with'? I experience a high percentage of people in daily life willing to do only the 'bare minimum' at their jobs and even in their lives, to 'get by'. Viewed in the context of our country and its stature in the rest of the world, is it any wonder we are called "Ugly Americans" and are universally despised? People in the rest of the world think we are rude, lazy. greedy and stupid. And considering who runs the country, who can blame them?

Hope Arrives in California

No, not the democrats, me. I shall attempt to drag you away from Super Tuesday results and rehashing to tell of my cross country odyssey. I have arrived in California from Mississippi, and let me tell you the trip was anything but uneventful.

I picked up the U-haul truck on Sunday last and had scheduled movers later in the day. The movers didn't show up. I called Monday morning to get other movers and couldn't get anyone to come before 5PM. By the time the movers finished loading, it was 9PM and too late to pick-up the auto transport. I had to wait until 9AM the following morning (Tuesday, Jan. 29) to get the transport hooked up. Drove back to the house and proceeded to load my car, the animals, my luggage, etc. Finally, left at 11AM, about 4 hours later than planned.

The first leg was to Austin Texas, where I met friends who had made arrangements to fly my 2 cats to California in a few days (you try driving across country with two cats...)Because of my late start, my arrival to the 750 mile away Mecca of Texas was going to be sometime in the midnight hour. About 40 miles from my destination, one of the straps came off of the tire on the auto transport. I got out, re-secured it and coming around the large, truck and trailer, smacked my knee (my service-connected disabilty knee) on the solidly metal trailer hitch. I saw stars and a knot swelled up the size of citrus fruit. Tired and in pain ( did I mention emotional?), I limped into Austin and the loving arms of my waiting friends.

They convinced me to stay over an extra day, rest my leg, my battered soul and sore body. It was a good decision. I took my sweet dog to doggy daycare so I could rest, and spent the next few hours sleeping and taking hot showers to ease my soreness. I need to really acknowledge my friends in Austin who took such good care of me. I don't think I could have made this journey without their help.

Next morning I start of bright, early and fairly well-rested with the goal of making it to New Mexico. If only I hadn't been stopped by a State Trooper and rerouted nearly 80 miles around the huge fire that closed I-10, I probably could have made it. I did manage to get nearly that far, and stayed in El Paso that night.

The following morning I awoke early with debilitating menstrual cramps. Sorry to be so graphic, but the necessity of mentioning my malady is the accompanying hormonally-challenged emotions that come with them. Not to mention the vomiting...
I dragged my on/off crying ass into Tucson. I was supposed to stay in Phoenix that evening but because of the extra night in Austin, and the Superbowl, the price of my room tripled. It had been a relatively short day, so Tucson it was.

Morning brought the welcome hopefulness that today, I would finally make it into my beloved California. Fifty miles over the border, in the middle of the Mohave desert, I had a blowout on the moving truck. I found the last chance Texaco and waited there for the repair truck to arrive. Being the trooper I am, I soldiered on after my repair determined to make it over the I-5 Grapevine.

As I wended my way through the greater Los Angeles Basin, I received a phone call from one of my posse members who had been following my progress across the country. She warned me of the advancing winter storm warning that threatened to shutdown the Grapevine but that if I hurried, I could make it.

I did indeed make it to the treacherous highway hauling my tonnage. Unfortunately, coming down the steep 6% grade on the other side, I had my second blowout of the day(!). Have you ever heard of two flat tires in one day? Whatever. As I crawled into the first gas station at the bottom of the Grapevine, and it began to snow. I waited in the cold night for yet another tire rescue. After completing the tire-swap, I drove the 40 miles to my final destination for the night.

My saga ends the next day uneventfully, thank God, with pulling onto my mother's street and a cold beer during the Superbowl with my family. You may want to finally know the why of my sudden pulling up of stakes, rush back to California, and the traumatic experience that brought it all on. If you've been checking on me here at DeepCon, you may have been able to surmise that my marriage has ended unexpectedly and suddenly. It's a saga in itself and I'll save it for my next installment.

I want to thank everyone who encouraged me through the last weeks as it has helped tremendously. Thank you all.

And for good measure, just to let you know I haven't given up the ship, a video courtesy of reader Mary that speaks to the abuses of power the Bush regime has inflicted upon our great republic. I add that in no small part, this war/occupation in Iraq has played a definite role in my break-up.

Guts and Glory-Not

With the "head fake study group" report now out, I look to another entry by guest poster Anne. I love her voice.

So, what we have here is a president who does not have a clue - not one fucking clue - about what to do, because “stay the course” isn’t working. He can’t just let things ride and wait for the victory, because victory isn’t going to happen. He thought all he needed was a goal - a democratic Iraq - and a military force, and we could all just sit back, stroll the malls spending money, and wait for the magic (we’ll forget for the moment that democracy had little to do with why we went to Iraq, but gosh, people just hate being reminded that there were no WMD).

He’s got this Head Fake Group, a bunch of oldies but moldies from his dad’s tenure in the White House, but they’re not being much help - they aren’t actually going to tell him what to do, they are just going to present him with ideas. Ideas are useless because they require him to make a move in one direction or another, and he’s paralyzed with fear.

He can’t bring himself to do anything that anyone with (D) after his or her name has suggested, because after years of likening us Democrats to terrorists, or terrorist-lovers, or people who only know how to cut and run, or who only know how to lose, how can he actually espouse a Democratic idea? Well, he could just take the idea and claim it was his own - they’ve done it before, but too many people know that all Bush has is a sack full of bumper stickers and they will know this time that he’s full of carp.

My guess is that he doesn’t really want to do anything, he’s tired of Iraq, it’s no fun anymore and someone is going to play on his boredom and we may end up sending missiles into Iran if we aren’t careful. Hey, look - over there - missiles in Iran!

Honestly, if the man had any balls, he and Dr. Evil and the rest of the cabal would resign en masse, and turn this over to people who might actually set themselves to the task of moving forward to get us the hell out of this quagmire. They could take all the rubber-stampers with them.

No balls, no guts, no glory.

-Anne

A little extra added audio here from the Randi Rhodes Show. This is her interview with Dr. Justin Frank who wrote the book, "Bush on the Couch". He analyzes Chimpy's dysfunction and discusses why Poppy Bush broke down on the floor of the Florida House on Wednesday. A whole show is a good listen but the interview starts at 55:45.

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The Day After Yesterday

I caught "Sideways" on a movie channel the other night and was amazed how much I related to Miles soliloquy about the delicacy of Pinot Noir grapes.

Maya and Miles are alone, getting to know one another, when Maya queries:

MAYA:Can I ask you a personal question?

MILES:(bracing himself) Sure.

MAYA:Why are you so into Pinot? It’s like a a thing with you.

Miles laughs at first, then smiles wistfully at the question. He searches for the answer in his glass and begins slowly.

MILES:I don’t know. It’s a hard grape to grow. As you know. It’s thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It’s not a survivor like Cabernet that can grow anywhere and thrive even when neglected. Pinot needs constant care and attention and in fact can only grow in specific little tucked-away corners of the world. And only the most patient and nurturing growers can do it really, can tap into Pinot’s most fragile, delicate qualities. Only when someone has taken the time to truly understand its potential can Pinot be coaxed into its fullest expression. And when that happens, its flavors are the most haunting and brilliant and subtle and thrilling and ancient on the planet.

Maya has found this answer revealing and moving.

I must profess I do have a bit of Cabernet in me as well.

Zeitgeist

I started this blog precisely because my world view was drastically altered by watching a film that changed many of my perceptions of the world as I knew it. That film is Loose Change. I again, recommend it. Tonight I added another cinematic piece of information to the unraveling of the intricate puzzle of deception in which the powers-that-be have ensnared us all.

Being very close to moving when the year anniversary of my blog occurred, I didn't write up the significance of the emotional earthquake I encountered which created the impetus for the blog itself. Tonight I offer, for your weekend viewing pleasure, another terrifically persuasive film about the depth of corruption and nearly imperceptible duplicity and manipulation of your government and our world as we know it.

Take the time this weekend, or any other time you can manage, to watch the the documentary film Zeitgeist. Done in an interesting montage, triptych presentation, a social, historical, deconstructionist commentary on religion, 9/11, and international banking practices. This film will stun your senses and make you rethink much of what you think you know about the world, the history of the United States, and government in general. Tonight with my viewing, I had another epiphany.

Zeitgeist was created as a not for profit work to inspire people to start looking at the world from a more critical perspective.

The more you begin to investigate what you think we understand; where we came from, what we think we were doing, the more you begin to see we've been lied to.

We've been lied to by every institution.

-From Zeitgeist

Give yourself two hours and see if watching Zeitgeist changes anything.

Happy MLK Jr. Day

Or here in Mississippi (and Arkansas,and Alabama), it's Robert E. Lee Day. What the fuck? When will you Southerners get over it? You lost. How about you try moving into the 21st century or even back the 1776: All Men (and Women) are created EQUAL.

This is one of my last missives from Mississippi. I am leaving for my native California next week. And frankly, I can't get the fuck out of this backward ass state soon enough. More on my mission to Cali in our next episode.

Today I celebrate the birth of Martin Luther King Jr. and his dream of civil rights for all. Happy MLK Day!

Democrats Drop the Ball--Again

As you know, the Feingold-Reid bill to kill the occupation, didn't make it out of committee. A disappointment to be sure, but more disheartening are the democratic senators that voted against the measure. Most of the dems who've been saying they are "anti-war" walk their talk. Please call the offending senators and tell them what you think.I feel heartsick. Greg Sargent at TPM writes it up and presents us with the hall of shame; the dems that dropped the ball:

Against:
Baucus (MT)
Bayh (IN)
Bingaman (NM)
Carper (DE)
Casey (PA)
Conrad (ND)
Dorgan (ND)
Landrieu (LA)
Levin (MI)
Lieberman (ID-CT)
Lincoln (AR)
McCaskill (MO)
Bill Nelson (FL)
Ben Nelson (NE)
Pryor (AR)
Reed (RI)
Rockefeller (WV)
Salazar (CO)
Tester (MT)
Webb (VA)

For:
Akaka (HI)
Biden (DE)
Boxer (CA)
Byrd (WV)
Cantwell (WA)
Cardin (MD)
Clinton (NY)
Dodd (CT)
Durbin (IL)
Feingold (WI)
Feinstein (CA)
Harkin (IA)
Inouye (HI)
Kennedy (MA)
Kerry (MA)
Klobuchar (MN)
Kohl (WI)
Lautenberg (NJ)
Leahy (VT)
Menendez (NJ)
Mikulski (MD)
Murray (WA)
Obama (IL)
Reid (NV)
Sanders (I-VT)
Schumer (NY)
Stabenow (MI)
Whitehouse (RI)
Wyden (OR)

Not Voting:
Brown (OH)
Johnson (SD)

BTW, why was Sherrod Brown out of commission?

A note to buoy my spirits from reader Nefarious Leslie:Hi Hopey. mcjoan says:

The Feingold-Reid Amendment failed this morning, 29-67. Twenty-nine of our Democratic Senators does comprise a majority of the majority party, and is a significant bump from the 11 senators who are actual cosponsors of the bill. It also sent the strong message that many Dems, including the presidential contenders, endorse the idea of cutting funding in principle.

But the result means that we still have a lot of work to do.

I like to think of it the way she does, only because it’s less depressing and focuses on moving forward.-Nefarious Leslie

Thanks NL, that helps with the sting.